It’s Like This

As I mentioned, my house is in a state of OH FUCK WHAT’S FALLING APART NOW. To sum up:

  • Freak rainstorm causes major water damage in one of our rooms (water gushing in through the window frames and the ceiling light fixture).
  • Find out it’s because old roof has finally shit the bed, so new roof is needed now. Contact recommended roofer to get estimate. 
  • Company responsible for clean-up and repair work partially guts said room; wall and ceiling must come out so that room can be properly dried. Thank FUCK the floor does not need to be torn out as well.
  • Work halts when tech discovers asbestos as he opens up ceiling. That will need to be removed before work can be finished.
  • In the meantime, furnace won’t stop leaking oil.

The roofer gave me an estimate that didn’t immediately make me vomit and he said he can have his crew out sometime in the next week or so. Which is awesome because every single rain drop that has fallen since this all started (not many) has caused extreme anxiety. Fortunately the forecast for this week is good and so I won’t have to worry about the damage getting any worse before the new roof goes on.

We are still waiting to hear what the insurance company will/will not cover regarding the asbestos removal. They might only cover removal of the portion above the room since that’s the focus of the claim. I don’t know if the asbestos people will only do a partial removal so we might be on the hook for the rest. It doesn’t make sense not to get it all out. Then new insulation will have to go in and again, not sure what insurance will cover.

Once all that is done, then the original contractor can come back and finish the repair work in the room (i.e. new ceiling and wall).

As for the furnace, once we get the roof sorted, I’ll call to get an estimate for replacement. I mean really, why not? What’s more money at this point? The furnace is almost as old as I am, I think, and it’s way past time to get a new system down there. A separate hot water heater would be so lovely. 

So in the midst of all this stress, we do the only thing that makes sense: we buy plane tickets for an October trip to London.

Step One

I’ve been thinking about this place a lot lately, wondering if I should dust off the old diary and starting writing again. And, well, here I am.

Because it’s like stepping into a super hot bath that you know will be glorious once the pain subsides, here is a list to get me started.

– In October 2011, a couple of weeks after my last post, we had to put our fat swipey Nellie to sleep no thanks to a massive tumor in her belly. I miss her like hell.

– In May 2013, Brian and I spent two weeks in England and Scotland, with a day trip to Paris. We had the best time. My feet still hurt.

– In November 2013, my dad unexpectedly died. He had retired that May. He was only 67. I miss him like hell.

– In May 2014, I graduated with a master’s degree in community planning and development. It was the result of 3.5 years of blood, sweat, and tears. So many tears. I am damn glad to be done, but it is going to be strange not to start classes again in a couple of weeks.

– My house is currently falling apart, so expect a spate of posts on that.

– We are buying a lakefront cottage. Holy shit, yes we are.

So that’s the state of me. Hi.

Oh, hey! Let’s do an update of my last post, shall we?

– Pulled an A in stats: final project went well for the most part, but no one will ever accuse me of being a slick public speaker. Thankfully my earlier work made up for my less-than-stellar talk.

– Had an excellent Floridian adventure. Swam in the open ocean for the first time since I was 18 and in Hawaii and I loved every. damn. second. of it. I only freaked out about sharks a little. I don’t remember getting drunk, but I do remember laughing my ass off a lot and eating some damn fine food.

These days I am back in school after taking the summer off. I’m in two classes this semester, two work-intensive classes that are super tough but very good. I have my “oh fuck why am I doing this again” moments, but overall I am convinced I am on the right path.

I started talk therapy for the first time last month. It’s been an intense experience.

The only babies around these here parts are Nestle and Noodle, two five-month-old kittens that we impulsively adopted last weekend and who came home today. Earlier I was 100% regretting this move, but now I’m down to maybe 55%. Nellie cat is not at all amused either. We all need some time.

Anyway, there’s some other stuff going on but I’m just dipping my toes back in the water right now.

Stand Back

Tonight I spent way more time than I am comfortable admitting searching for a pen that was actually in my mouth the whole time. Nice. Then Brian spent way more time than he is probably comfortable admitting getting all worked up over a hockey game that was actually a rerun of a game from two nights ago. When we are off, we are OFF. I don’t know if that’s hilarious or just really sad.

Hi! I thought I was gone too, but here I am. Now that Catie is writing again, I thought I’d dip my toes back in the water too.  Because I am a follower.

Listen, do not expect much right now. I have Things going on. My first semester of graduate school is winding down (three weeks left) and I am doing my level best not to completely lose my cool over this last paper and group project. Next week I am off to Florida for a weekend of female bonding and drunken shenanigans. I will be wearing a swimsuit in public for the first time since the summer of 1990, so emphasis on the drunk part. I mean, I will be loaded.

Miles to Go

Hello 2011! Please don’t suck. Pretty please?

I had such high hopes for 2010, I really did. However, while there were bright spots scattered throughout the year, nothing panned out the way I thought it would. Above all else, this was the year I was finally going to become a mother after three long, agonizing years of trying. No dice. All of the pills, shots and surgeries were for naught. Barring a miracle (my primary cause of infertility is tubal disease, meaning my inner works are shot), the only way I can become a mother is via IVF or adoption. For a whole host of reasons, neither option is happening in the near future. Or in the far away future, for that matter. It’s been heartbreaking to come to terms with this. I’m still not there, to be honest. It’s an ongoing process with many ups and downs. My marriage, my self-esteem, my confidence in myself and my body…everything has been affected by infertility. I’ve been wracked with envy/jealousy over others’ babies, IVFs, adoptions. Throw some general life discontent into the mix (what am I doing with my life? where do I want to go? what do I want to do?), and you’ve got me in meltdown mode for most of the year.

For so long, I’ve been living in a suspended state, putting other major life decisions on hold just in case the big It happened. I can’t do that any longer. I’m almost 39. I don’t want to spend the next year disconnected and grieving over what I don’t have; it’s time to plug back in and take care of what I’ve neglected. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m going back to school, which is a huge step forward. I want to tap back into my creative side. I want to get a handle on my health. I want to reconnect with the important people in my life. I want to be more gentle and forgiving with myself.

So here’s to a happier, healthier year. I’m ready for it.

Mercy Mild

Hi. The last time I wrote, I had just spent a gorgeous summer day on a little piece of rocky coast. Now I’m sitting in my cozy house wearing lots of layers, listening to Judy Garland croon Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and wondering how much snow we might get today.

I’m not sure how to sum up the last five months. I’m not sure I want to, really. There have been bright spots this year, but a lot of dark ones as well. What it boils down to is change. My attitude, my perspective, my actions, my direction all needed to change to make my marriage happier, my life happier, ME happier.

Now some British choir is singing carols (which is good because Judy was starting to grate) and I’m still in my pajamas even thought it’s after noon. There are ornaments to make, scarves to knit, a house to clean, clothes to wash and a husband to laugh with. What it boils down to is this: I am only as unhappy as I let myself be.  It takes much less energy to move forward than to flail around in one place.

Two if by Sea

Sometimes the only cure for the blues is a good view and some salt air.

Bailey Island

 We sat on the rocks and breathed in the ocean until I could feel my skin start to burn. It wasn’t nearly long enough.

The Atlantic